Bookends

Firsts and lasts.

I have been forced into a state where everything I do now is likely my last in the country of Japan. Last night we met with a great family friend, A-san from a previous post, the sister of the friend who passed away late last year and of whom I wrote about in my stack. Over the weekend she invited us to her city’s fireworks display. This particular event has been a staple with my wife and I since before I met A-san. Our first year there, we, the wife and I, attended together on the Tokyo side of the river.

The location for the fireworks was awesome but otherwise ill suited. The concrete of the levee was hot from the day’s sun and at such an extreme slope that we kept sliding down it. That was probably our only time going as just the two of us. I know that each went solo once apiece as the other was working. Then I met A-san in the elevator of our public housing apartment. She suggested we go across the river to the park on the other side. This has been where we have gone ever since.

Since A-san invited us, we have been there almost yearly with her and her eclectic groups of friends, which included at least one recording artist, one of the many we have met through her. One, a master of the Chinese instrument known as kokyuu in Japanese, an immigrant from China, played at our house warming party with most of her family in attendance. He, however, has never attended the fireworks party.

Over the 20 years of our now ending marriage, we have not always been able to attend or to do so together. At least one time I did so alone as the wife was on a business trip. At least once the kids and I did so without their mother for the same reason. We have also gone just as a family as the kids were still too young to go without a car necessitating us to find a location we could park the car and watch from. The year before the panic, the kids and I watched from an artificial hill that is a part of a small but nice park in the middle of the rice paddies about one kilometer from the river. None could remember the last we all met together as it was cancelled for several years, cuz covid.

Yesterday, two of A-san’s sons were there along with their wives. The youngest was hoped for but his family was unable to attend. His daughter and our kids have a history together that began 10 years ago, though they have not met in half that time, again, cuz covid, and I wonder if they even remember each other. The kids of one of the couples that were there did not come for whatever reason. The last time I saw them was at the restaurant their recently departed great uncle treated all of us to a fine evening at, as I wrote about in a past post.

This event was earlier in the year than I remember, but as I think about it, I suspect a faulty memory. I suspect this as I know it was earlier than my current city’s fireworks display which is always near August 10th, (Just saw a poster for it, as I make my way in to work, it’s on Aug. 02 this year.). It caught us by surprise, thus we were unable to get there until just after it started, which allowed for very little conversing. This suited me fine as I have difficulty talking about anything knowing that I will soon be leaving and must keep this a secret lest the kids find out. I have no idea how the preexwife does it, though I have 23 years experience of witnessing her do it. I cannot express even to myself how I felt when A-san brought up where we should sit next year. Preexwife had no problem discussing this, I remained silent and hoped I have developed a poker face over the years.

This is the hardest part. Certainly the most painful. My kids making plans for the future not knowing that I will not be a part of them. This was my last time to attend this fireworks display with my kids. On the 2nd next month, will be the last with them for our city’s fireworks, viewed each year since long before they were born from the roof of the in-laws condominium. As I am experiencing my last time at these events, I recall the first times. The very first Japanese fireworks display I went to was in Hachioji when here as a college student. It was awesome, truly something to write home about, which I did. However, there is a dark event attached to it. There was a robbery and murder that night at a supermarket that left an older woman and a teenager who worked there and another teen who was the friend of the other who stopped by to wait for them to finish and then to go out together. They were all shot to death, the reports of the banned firearm masked by the fireworks. Checking the map and the time, my date and I were very close to the store when it happened. Of course, I also recall the first time we took The Kid to see fireworks. The noise terrified them.

Wondering if we will go to a matsuri ever again, we missed many already this year and the schedule the preexwife has The Kid on precludes most others. We would not be going as a real family anyway. But I do recall my first Japanese matsuri, over 30 years ago. I was coming back to base from either Tokyo or Yokohama and ran into a Mikoshi being carried at night. Photos of this are my first of many of Japanese festivals.

For several years I took the oldest kid for a day trip to Kamakura during summer vacation. The last was in 2023 when the whole family went. We had a great time. I doubt I’ll be able to go this summer, besides, it is crazy hot this year. I recall well my first time to Kamakura. I was stationed on a ship homeported in Yokosuka and a few of us wanted to visit the place but were unsure how to get there. None of us could read nor speak the language at that time. At the station we ran into a pair of young Japanese women that we had met earlier somewhere, I cannot recall how we knew them. They were surprised to see us and asked where we were going. Well, we responded, we are not sure but we want to go to Kamakura. They volunteered to be our guides. That would have been within the years of 1992-94. Uncountable by memory are the times I have returned. A couple of summers saw me going there every weekday. An acquaintance was working on a tour guide and wanted photos of the numerous temples, shrines, museums and historical sites he planned to include. This was a fabulous opportunity for me despite the book never coming to be as it both confirmed my imperfect understanding that Kamakura was a massive place, it also let me know of many places I had not learned about in previous excursions. Once the oldest got old enough, I took them down for what was becoming a yearly summer tradition. The last we made was in 2023 as a whole family. Everything closes early in Japan’s first tourist spot for gaijin and our disappointment over the closure of one of our planned stops was assuaged with plans to visit it on the next trip. Looks like there will be no next trip. My last summer with The Kid is little more than ferrying them to and from cram school and the fighting it involves.

I began writing this near the end of July. It is now August 13th, well with in the summer Obon holiday. I am off from classes this week except for one private lesson. The preexwife goes into work everyday as she has just started at a new company. She relates how she has run in to many previous coworkers, both within her new company and in the elevator with one who works for another but in the same building. I refrained from saying, “No shit, you leave the house and you meet people, who’d a thunk it.” She was beat this weekend, having gone into the office every weekday for a full week for the first time in 5 and a half years….the main reason behind our upcoming divorce. At least in my opinion.

The Kid is off this week from school but has cram school every evening except for the one day they have swim lessons. During the day they go to their grandparent’s. They went once or twice last week too. These visits and the one to see our last fireworks display together constitute more time with their grandparents than the past 5 years combined. They live just down the street from us, less than a three minute walk if we catch the crosswalk lights right. Normally, I would not be upset by this as I want them to spend time with their grandparents, but this is my last summer with them. Why must they spend each and every day they and I are home with their grandparents? Well, preexwife arranged it so.

It was a long standing rule that there would be no TV during meal times. There have always been some exceptions to this, a good movie for the family over dinner for a rare one. Now, it is a nightly event. As painful as these are, it makes leaving so much easier. There is simply no reason to stay, even if it was up to me, which it is not.

Packing for the move has begun. At present, it is disguised as getting rid of unnecessary items and compressing what I am keeping. This is made easy by the fact that I had two storage tubs like those frequently seen in the back of pick up trucks in the States that were kept on the balcony. These had to be moved inside for the recent repainting. One held a lot of books which I sold over the weekend. Both are now filled with vacuum packed civil war reenacting uniforms, kendo and Iaido uniforms, and winter wear that is too warm for use in the Tokyo area.

I also emptied out the tatami mat room closet of all the camping gear to get to the kimono box that holds the preexwife’s and my kimonoes. Doing so, I came to realize that there will indeed never be another Kitsune family camping trip. This did not have the overpowering effect that might have been expected. I am rather numb at present, uncomfortably so. Removing my camping gear and the kimono box and much of my kendo gear leaves a lot of room available. So, tomorrow I plan to go to the storage shed and bring back the preexwife’s stuff to place it in the closet. This will include that which was our stuff. The storage shed saga deserves its own pamphlet, but not now.

The cats. Mia is the oldest, smallest and now by far the frailest of our four cats. She is bullied by two of the other three. Sadly, at least with the big Tom cat, it is her fault. When he was finally allowed out of his cage, his skin issues reduced enough that there were unlikely to infect she or Foo, who has since passed, Mia chased him away each time he sought comfort from her. Now, his is big and she is reaping the seeds she had sown. She was very dependent upon Foo for comfort. When Foo passed, she sought comfort from Hoki, but she had hissed and attacked him everything he came near while he was a kitten. Now that he was a young adult, he is not inclined to allow Mia who had treated him so poorly near him. Siam am is so mellow, that he allows anyone near him. But Mia has been unpleasant with him too, so he is sometimes unappreciative of her attention seeking. Shadow, the last cat to join our disintegrating family was also shooed away by Mia and goes after her every chance she gets. However, these two do play at times. Still, Mia, who has always been closer to me than the preexwife, seeks me out and follows me about the house for comfort and protection. What will come of her?

Hoki, the monstrous in size Tom cat, was nursed back to health by the exhausting efforts of myself under the direction of our vet. Preexwife had nothing to do with his miraculous recovery. Shadow was discovered by myself as I walked home from the local station in May last year. I asked preexwife if I should go back and rescue it. I hoped she would say yes, for I know not how I could not be bothered with the knowledge I did not help the poor kitten. She agreed. The plan, by both of us, was to find a new home for her. That did not happen and the preexwife was happy to have a black kitten. She was heartbroken by The Kid’s choice of kitten from the family I rescued to keep. She had always wanted a black cat and he chose the one non black kitten. Despite this, when she told me that she wanted me out of her house, I asked how she would take care of our kids and all 4 cats. She blamed me for there being so many cats in our house, especially for the last one.

I am heartbroken about leaving my kids and cats and worried for all of them. Preexwife makes her family decisions based upon her emotions of the moment, only. She wants to sell the house, what will become of the cats? How will the kids handle her decision about the house and the cats? She doesn’t cqre. Her parents are old, her mother suffering from a mysterious heart ailment. She will soon find herself having to be caretaker of not only her kids but also her parents and all alone too, as she is throwing me out. I should be happy that she is relieving me of these responsibilities, and perhaps, once I am out of the house and left to fend for myself, I will feel thus……