Christmas

Merry and otherwise

While part of this was “written” mentally before Christmas, and some on Christmas, I did not want to be the antithesis of Joy and post it on Christmas.

Soon after I posted asking what I should do, I learned that an invite would not be issued. Other than settling the question, this had no impact upon me. I leaned that I was not invited by preexwife asking if I can basically babysit our son on the 26th as she has a year end party, a bonenkai. I am to take him out to dinner. No mention of Christmas Eve nor Christmas. Despite asking repeatedly, neither gave me any idea for his Christmas gifts until the 16th and last Sunday. Luckily, the gifts arrived yesterday, allowing time to wrap them last night. Got up too late to bring them over on my way to work, the rain preventing me from riding my bike over, I had to bring the gifts for my son over tonight after work. Too tired and absented minded, I feared forgetting them on the train or elsewhere if I brought them with me, so I had to go to apartment first and then took the train to the house. Time wise, about the same.

The scene inside the house puzzled me. Two meals were on the table, one partially eaten from and the preexwife in the kitchen still cooking. Half the table was just as messy as it was when I was forced to use it as both my work station and place to dine, just not with my stuff. Placing the gifts to my son from me I notice that the labels on the gifts from my wife have “From” her name, not “From: Mommy” or “From Mom”. Needed to talk with the preexwife as her spotty replies on Line left it unclear if Santa was visiting this year or if our son put up a stocking. I had a stocking stuffer but would put it under the tree as from me if the situation called for it. But there was some horrible occurrence in the kitchen that elicited a yell and of course, The Kid came running over. A plastic bottle of ramune had sprung a leak and made all bottles in the crate wet and sticky.

I desired to both have my son open his card with a sizable amount of cash from his grandmother and I leave as quickly as possible, but I was pretty much ignored by both preexwife and The Kid. Just as I gave The Kid his card, the doorbell rang. His grandparents. But there were just two place settings on the table and the other half of the table messy. They came in, placed gifts under the tree, removed their coats but left their masks on, as expected.

Finally got him to open the card, count the money and press the button for Linus reciting a Christmas verse to play. He did so while talking with Baba and Jiji and clearing off the table, I’m guessing to make room for their place settings. He then ran to show off the self cleaning cat litter box to Baba.

No “Thank you.”. No “Merry Christmas”, not even in response to that greeting from me. No “Good bye” or even “Bye” when I left. There was no gift from my son to me under the tree.

It would be a lie to state that I didn’t feel anything, but what did I feel? I do not know for I have never felt the like nor even a distant relatives of it. Not, emptiness nor sadness. Not despair. Certainly not a positive emotion but not a strong negative one either. As I finish a small meal at a nearby Taiwanese restaurant now, I no longer feel it, nor anything.

The only surprise to me over any of this is the emotional impact. Not sure what I expected in that department if my expectations in others were met, but this is not it. Many responded with thoughtful advice in response to my asking what should I do if invited. That question is moot but does provide an opportunity to fill in more details on the situation.

Based upon the previous 11 years of Christmases, unless my son got outside toys, there would no opportunity to go outside, but even then, it would not be just the two of us. At a minimum, his maternal grandparents would be there with the possibility of his aunt and uncle. Not a complaint, always enjoyed hosting them. My son is a chatter box but besides my meager efforts, received no support in learning my native tongue. He being naturally lazy anyway, he rarely attempts to converse with me and gets frustrated that my Japanese is not perfect. In the last few years, whenever any Japanese adult that he knows chances across our path, he suddenly erupts in chatter with them. With the exception of the intensity, it is the same when my in-laws come over. He is much more enthusiastic to talk to them.

The one complaint I do have with my in-laws is that they leave their masks on in the house, except for when eating. Luckily, they do not mask between bites, but as soon as dinner is over, the masks are back on.

Earlier I shared with you the conversation we had after I picked him up from cram school when he told me he was diagnosed with depression. Beyond the information he conveyed being shocking, equally shocking was that he shared anything. A few hours earlier I drove him to the station for him to go the rest of the way to the cram school. I asked if he was still going to swim lessons. Angrily, he shouted “NO!”. When I asked why not, he replied, “JUKEN!”, (entrance exam), and practically screamed this too. That was the extent of our communication. He is following the example set by his mother but in the past he only mimicked her when she was near, never when it was just he and I. That too changed these past 2 years. There have also been times when he refused to allow me to take him cram school or tests, demanding instead that his mother do so. This too is a new development.

Around a week after I stopped living at the house, the move is still in progress, he started responding to me on one of the family apps and even initiated contact, often sending pics of the cats. After a few days, that too stopped.

Of course, no thank you, no acknowledgment at all for the gifts I gave. It is now 12:40 am Christmas morning.

After leaving the house, I stopped by a Chinese restaurant for dinner but botched the order with their tablet and got just the main dish and not the set I was expecting. So I decided to stop by the supermarket near my station and buy some stollen they had on sale for Christmas, drop it and the bottle of gru wine I got from the house (I told the preexwife that I’d like to take or two bottles of gru wine out of the several there.) at my apartment and then head over to my local izakaya for butter fried mixed mushrooms, draft beer and grilled onigiri. That was the plan.

Instead, of the full loaf of Stollen I envisioned, I got a half loaf of chocolate Stollen, the rest being sold. At the izakaya, the master’s wife came down and gave me a bowl of “thousand cut tofu noodles” I think is the name of the dish. Last time I was there, after I ordered from their new teishoku menu, she gave me a bowl of Kenma curry and another of oden. I left STUFFED. After I finished the tofu, and the mushroom dishes last night, the master brought out three gyoza for me. I did not order the grilled onigiri but draft beer instead and more than just one.

I have been good at limiting how much I drink at home. I place a set amount in the fridge, and when it is gone, I have no more to drink. However, this does not take into account the beer I drink when I eat out, which has been more often than I planned on. It being Christmas, I put one more can than unusual in the fridge. I looked at the clock, it was 1:20 am and thought I would start getting ready for bed. After taking my shower and having a glass of water, I look again and it was a quarter to 3! Have no idea where the time went. I drank more than I planned but was still able to get up in time for the Christmas zoom with my mom. Not feeling great, just a tightness in my forehead from prolonged lack of sleep and too much beer and the fact that we talked over zoom for 4 + hours last Saturday, we kept it short and I went back to bed.

Disappointed in myself as I had planned on staying up after zooming and enjoying Christmas treats, beer and nuts and other snacks that go with beer, wine and cheese and later gru wine with Christmas music playing after pulling my pay from the ATM and buying some of these snacks. But I had failed in my goal of getting the apartment clean for Christmas and was worn out from the previous several days of finally clearing out the storage shed, moving and work. Perhaps, being able to return to my warm bed was a Christmas gift to myself. The night before I had determined to keep Christmas going until after the new year.

Memories from my early childhood have Christmas music slowly entering the radio play rotation the day after Thanksgiving and gradually increasing in saturation until the 23rd where it was almost 100% of the music heard on any station. Of course, on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, it was certainly 100% Christmas music. I also recall that radio stations continued with Christmas music in their rotations after Christmas but dropping off in frequency faster than they grew in this regard. I also remember shock and disappointment when in bed Christmas night in Jr. High or High School, listening to the radio and at midnight it switched abruptly from Christmas back to rock. While I strongly suspect my memory is faulty here, there are some reasons that it may not have completely failed in this regard. The twelve days of Christmas made famous by that most parodied of songs in the English language of the same name start on Christmas Day. I also live in a part of the US colonized by the French and despite centuries of their political influence no longer a force, areas around my town still celebrate Twelfth Night. Or did while I was till long there. It was true that Christmas decorations at home, around town and at all shopping venues remained up until past the start of the new year. When we wake up in Japan on the 26th, all evidence of Christmas will be gone from all public spaces.

Therefore, I shall keep celebrating Christmas in my apartment until after the new year. It will not be only Christmas music playing but there will be a lot of it as I finish cleaning and putting things away, enjoying various types of adult beverages and snacks that match them. I will also some of my finer incenses. Many of these were Christmas gifts from the preexwife and I had hoped to share them with her. Now I shall enjoy them on my own.

Getting up late, I decided to have a mid afternoon Christmas dinner at Denny’s. Yep, you read that correctly. Denny’s the savior of truckers, late night revelers, college students and late nighters of all stripes serves rather nice meals in Japan. I recall stopping at one on my way back from work when we both worked late for a Thanksgiving Turkey dinner. Not bad, especially when it is the only option if not making a Thanksgiving meal on your own. On the way, I stopped by to submit my change address form to the Post Office and realized that I still need to change it on my driver’s license. I also was finally able to return the mail I received that was for the previous renter. I pulled money out of my account, leaving enough for rent which will be automatically withdrawn tomorrow, how I hate the automatic withdrawal stuff. I stopped by the supermarket to see if they restocked their stollen. They had not but they were no longer playing Christmas music, which surprised me as I was certain that they celebrated it here on the 25th too. All the bakeries, convenience stores and supermarkets still hawking Christmas Cake, sparkling wine and fried chicken I saw on my way to Denny’s proved that they do.

Today I had a steak fillet with foie gras and mashed potatoes, salad with avocado and crab, and gratin. Bread too, but that was extra. Today being Christmas, I got a free glass of house wine to boot!