Expecting Good, Receiving Bad

A watershed moment?

The kid had a major test last Sunday. This is a nation wide test of all 6th graders who are hoping to take entrance exams for Jr. high school. It is one of the few remaining tests for them to meet the minimum standard deviation (SD) score before summer vacation needed to sit for the exam. Scoring is quick, we got the raw scores that night. Over all 20 points higher than last time, improvement in all subjects save one, where they scored lower. The SD has not been sent out yet but I was expecting to return home Monday night to the kid happily announcing their improved raw score and hopefully an improved SD score after which we would discuss options for a celebrating this feat.

Instead the house was silent. No “Okaeri” (Welcome home) as is common, kept up now for appearances only, just silence. Opening the door to the dinning/living room I find the family eating dinner in silence. I quickly learn that I interrupted a fight.

The preexwife once again allowed herself to be suckered into allowing the kid to do something they want before doing what they must; securing a promise that the kid would do their homework and leave on time for cram school, she allowed them to watch TV. After watching TV, the kid decided they were too tired to do either their homework or go to cram school. A big fight ensued, the high point of which was the preexwife unplugging the TV and literally throwing it outside. I applaud this move. The kid got themself to cram school and the family had been silent for the ride home and during dinner. The kid’s attitude has ruined many family events.

The kid deciding to swallow their pride to save the TV, eventually apologized and was allowed to retrieve the TV. It survived its brief flight. I learned all this while the kid took their shower. I remarked that I was surprised the kid just didn’t retreat to the toilet as is their usual ploy when they don’t want to go to school or cram school or do their homework.

It was this they employed with me Tuesday afternoon. After returning home, they stood at the end of the dinning room table reading their kid’s newspaper without bothering to take off the huge backpack school kids here wear, blocking the door in and out of the dinning room. They have been yelled at for this repeatedly, but I am no longer allowed to do so, child abuse according to the preexwife. After I relayed mom’s instructions for homework, the kid ran to the toilet and would not come out.

The evening was shaping up like so many prior to it, I am given a list of tasks for the kid to perform, the kid runs and hides in the toilet, preexwife comes home and reads me the riot act for the kid not getting anything done and missing cram school again. Sanguine was exactly not my state when one of our cats threw up.

To say that not having access to the toilet for hours at a time each day is an inconvenience is an understatement of epic proportions. Worse when a cat has thrown up and you need toilet paper, toilet wipes and other materials stored therein. Finally the kid open the door to pass me the materials I needed to clean up the mess and my lord, was it hot in there. Now I have a real concern the kid is going to give themselves heat stroke by hiding in the toilet, listening to music over their idiot phone.

Fed up, frustrated and now in need of using the toilet myself but mostly at wits end over finding a way to keep the kid from spending life on the pot, I pounded on the door loudly telling them again that they had to stop hiding in the restroom with the intention of scaring them out. It worked. They came flying out and said, “Dad, I’m sorry.”.

However, I knocked a huge hole in the door doing so. Hurt my wrist too, but does not matter here. I told the kid I had broken the door but they apparently did not see the hole. Preexwife is gonna be pissed but if I finally stopped the kid from hiding for hours a day in the toilet, it would be worth it.

After apologizing, the kid turned to getting their homework done. A half an hour before they needed to depart for cram school, they again say their stomach hurts and rush into the toilet room again but did tell me they would be out quickly. They were not. At increasing shorter intervals, I called out the time. Each time I was responded to with, Hmmmmmm? Once they finally got off the throne, I found a pair of ear plugs in there which they had left. For quite some time, there first response we have received from the kid through the restroom door is “Hmmmm”. Now I know why, they go in there, put ear plugs in and ignore us.

Homework incomplete, the kid takes off with just enough time to make it to cram school without being late. While they are away, preexwife returns. I immediately show her the damage and apologize. She is furious with me all the rest of the night. Naturally, with damage that needs repairing, the topic of money comes up along with the accusation that I pay nothing for my keep. While true I can no longer pay the agreed upon amount, I responded that “I pay ¥50,000 each month for something.” “Not enough for rent!” She practically screamed. I told her that actually, that amount of money can provide a decent place outside of Tokyo. Her immediate response was as expected, “Well do it then!” And here is where it gets interesting, the reason I share this blow by blow, I replied, “I have to (leave) once the kid takes their tests so I have been looking.”. She arrested her pacing, faced me and fell motionless except for her eyes which darted left and right. To me, she looked the very image of one perplexed. Why?

Flashback time. We moved into the house 20 years ago and have been having contractors over for the once every ten year “renewal”. At first, she would interrupt me to share her ideas and ask for my input of what “we” should have done, what color for this and that and the like. Why is she even asking me, she is throwing me out? After several occasions with an expression upon my face that asked the question above, she finally said, “Oh! I guess I don’t need to ask you about this.”.

Conversations between she and the builder cause further confusion. She has stated that she intends to sell the house yet, when the contractor suggested a fancy cupboard for the upstairs toilet, she stated that she wants the opposite as we use it for the cat’s litter boxes. I installed a cat door years ago. She also had shelving installed in the senmenjo that blocks the only window in that room. To me, these choices seem counter to what one would make if they intended to sell and fit what one would do if they intended to stay, making alterations to suit the life they intended to lead.

There have also been periods several days in length where she would be pleasant to be around if it were not the fact that she is giving me the ole heave ho!. Out of the blue, she asked where I want to go for dinner for my birthday. Was not expecting that.

The Kid.

The kid wants to take a bath, not just take a shower. Common in Japanese families, but I find it too hot and humid here in the summer to want a bath and my wife and I decided not to during the summer months. It needs washed before it can be used but that is not the issue at hand. It was too late at night and they hadn’t finished their homework yet, choosing instead to hide in the restroom with their idiot phone, listening to music. The complaining and crying on the increase, I told them that because they chose to spend hours on the toilet they now didn’t have time to take a bath. They cannot have that so they told mommy that daddy pounded loudly on the door, and looking at me said that if I continued to do so, that I would break the door. The kid plays this game often. They know that they can tell mommy I did anything and mommy will believe them. So will the teachers. While not the case here, they have made up wholly fictitious events where they said I have hit them. Back to the story. Mommy replied that I had already done so. Rattled, the kid checked it out for themselves and came back to the dinning room a new person. Realizing the tension in the room, they cheerfully ate their dinner and likewise cleaned up their place setting and even wiped the place mats without even being asked to do so. Usually, they refuse until I or now mom, I’m no longer allowed, screams at them to do so.

お香

Incense is one of many things the preexwife either sparked an interest in or rekindled with me. Fountain pens is one of the former; お香incense of the latter. All of which, she can no longer stand my use of or mentioning now. After her apparent confusion over my apartment shopping, she went up stairs. A short time later she comes running down as says, “Then, no more burning incense. It damages the house and gives me a sore throat.” She still blames incense on her salivary gland tumor between her 3rd and 4th clot shots. Admittedly, I do have a lot of incense. Much she bought for me or we bought together. During the 4 years of rarely leaving the house cuz covid, incense helped me in no small measure. Accustomed as I was to working in a different part of Tokyo each weekday, no change in scenery for month after month became increasingly hard to bear. Changing the scentscape was invaluable and I order a lot online. No more enjoying it for now.