Surreality Strikes Home.

Roll the Twilight Zone Theme.

The night of the discussion on divorce, after the kids were in bed I made it clear that I thought her decision was a bad one and that I did not agree with it. She replied that it didn’t matter, she would prepare the documents and I would either sign them or we would got to court then she spun around on her heels and left the room. Though I said nothing, my thoughts at the time were that I would not take it to court.

I might though. Or at least threaten to and lay out why in the hope, (most likely in vane) that she will reconsider. There are three reasons for my current underemployment; I do not have a master’s degree, I will not wear a mask and my wife’s demands for me to be home to look after the kids and to pick them up most days.

The lack of a master’s degree makes it now impossible to land new university positions without a strong recommendation from previous and current employers. Insane Covid policies and my refusal to go along with them killed the possibility of recommendations. Everywhere around Tokyo has most or all their employees still masked! There goes the second reason. But it is the third that has the greatest impact and one of longer duration, not being able to work during the golden hours for private and corporate English language lessons. It was the landing of two more medical schools and two of my then 3 med schools’ associated nursing schools in 2018 that gave me hours when the kids were in school. Prior to that, I taught at one med school, and regularly at two other universities employment at which ended within the last decade, and private and corporate classes that are generally held in the evenings and occasionally in the morning before work begins. Until the two new med schools and the two nursing schools, the bulk of my income came from after work lessons for salary men and women with a couple of before work classes at the clients’ worksites. Giving these up drastically reduced my income. But why did I give these hours up? Because the wife asked me to. Until two days ago, she desired I did not accept any employment that would require me to leave early or come home late other than those I currently had; now late two nights a week and early one day a week.

All of these early and late hour classes ceased due to the panic but some started back up after the great reopening. However, the kids’ schedules changed. They now attend cram school in the evening. I thus had to decline an offer to resume an evening class costing me $100. USD a week. That’s $400. monthly. Even with holidays, that’s over $4,000 USD a year I lost since the resumption of more normal working conditions, or twice as much as she just had to fork over for my delinquent pension payments.

But that’s not all!, in my best Bob Barker voice. I also have repeatedly turned down offers for new classes the remaining two weeknights I am not working. That’s a total loss of $300. USD per week, a full ten grand a year! That would have increased last year’s income, I’m guessing here as I have not done my taxes yet and last year’s schedule is not a carbon copy of the previous when I made slightly more, from around $20,000 to $30,000. Still pitifully small, but I would not be as bad off as I am and would have not needed as much help from my wife and at least could probably pay it back.

She and I have had this discussion some years ago. She began to complain that with me no longer able to pay into the house, that I was a financial drain upon the family. Incensed, I replied not. Instead, I wrote out a comprehensive list of the income I lost due to her requests to help with the kids instead of working. I gave her a copy. Completely unable to comprehend what it represented, she asked angrily, as is her fashion, “What’s this!’. “That’s the money I have lost by cutting hours to help out with the kids.” I replied. She just got angrier.

But, THAT is not the surreal aspect from my title. After the talk of divorce, complete with a rough timeline, the next day she acted as if nothing changed, and for her, perhaps it didn’t. She picked only two fights that day and was otherwise pleasant. After dinner she asked if I wanted wine and cheese, our long standing weekend night and holiday night tradition. I was not in the mood and doubt I will be again. I made popcorn and had beer instead. Shocking me, she asked for a small amount of popcorn, as she usually does. She asked if I could run errands that day and today and thanked me as usual. She attempted to provoke only one fight today, but I did have to leave for work late in the afternoon. Perhaps she is saving more grief for my return tonight. But that would not be unusual. (I have now returned home and she has retired for the night, she did not provoke an argument.)

How does someone go from planning a divorce one day and acting as if nothing has changed between their spouse and they the very next day?

For myself, parting ways would be best. But that is not going to be anything but bad for my kids. So I am compiling the continued costs I am incurring, both purchases I make for the family and lost income, to provide for her if she goes through with filling out the paper work. If she is going to kick me out, she is going to have to pay for the lost earnings at the very least. I hope this pops her “I’m losing money” bubble and wakes her up so that she drops the whole thing. That seems to be her chief concern and I have never been able to pierce her magical thinking about our kids and I doubt I will discover a way to do so the next several months.