Two Weeks

Silence

It has now been two weeks since I have met my son. Two weeks ago today, Tuesday March 31st, my son graduated from elementary school and I took him out for a celebratory dinner. As I reported earlier, it was a subdued but positive meeting. He was tired despite (because of?) napping between lunch and dinner. On the walk to the restaurant I asked if he would like to go see Punch Kun, the infant monkey abandoned by his mother after birth and who has become an international sensation. He enthusiastically replied “Yes!”, in English in his way reserved for the most positive situations. We spent much of dinner discussing how to get to the zoo. The previous trips were by car, but after the divorce, I no longer have access to the ex family car and it would be foolish to rent a car for such a short excursion. I told him that I was planning on going in an Ekikara hike and before I could ask if he wanted to join he shouted out, in Japanese, that he wanted to go.

On the way to his home, my past home, we talked about him showing me what he received from his school on his graduation day. Upon entering the house, I told him to go up stairs and let his mother know he was home. After a long time waiting, I went upstairs and told him I was waiting for him downstairs. Eventually he came down and show and tell began. As I waited for him, an album that looked like a year book was spotted upon the coffee table. I asked if I could look at it. He told me that it was not something he received that day but that I could. I quickly realized that instead of a year book, it was an album of the whole 6 years he was at the school and as such, would take more time than I now had left that day to look through it.

He brought over the mug he got from school. Upon it were the faces of he and his classmates. As I asked questions about the mug, he took the album and proceeded to show me photos of one of his classmates. After going through all the photos of his 1st year that had this friend in them, he began showing me the same from the seconded year. Looking up at the clock, I realized that I had to leave soon if I was to make it the grocery store in time to buy food for the next day’s breakfast. Upon being g informed of this fact, my 12 year old son’s attitude suddenly changed. Angrily, he told me to leave. Shocked, without getting angry or raising my voice I explained that after the long wait, I had little time left. Somehow, the conversation devolved to him saying I was “Jama”, even in the context of this conversation, I am not sure how to put this in English. “Jama” can mean many things in English along the lines of, “in the way”, or “an obstacle”. Upon explaining that before I left, I needed to see if and when I could take him to see Punch kun and the hike to which he responded, “Jaya, Ikanai”. “Well, then I’m not going.”. So I left.

The next day I sent a message over Teams which he saw on Thursday. Since then, he has not looked at any of my messages sent via Teams.

Last week I asked his mother about that week’s dinner.

Her reply. “I thought so. Every Tue?”

Me. “He didn’t seem to want to and he has not replied to me since last Tuesday. But you need me to tomorrow, right?”

After no reply for 2 and half hours, I sent the following. “As he won’t, can you please tell me what our plans for tomorrow are?”

A little more than 10 minutes later she responds with lNo meeting with you tomorrow”

I ask if why and her reply was, “what I know is he was not happy about last week meeting/dinner”.

I then replied that all seemed well until I told him that I didn’t have time to look through the album that night but that we could after dinner the next week, at which time he got angry. Silence.

A week later, I shared with my exwife that I would still take him to see Punch kun Friday that week and hiking on Sunday that weekend to which there was no response.

It was only when a package got misdelivered to the house that I learned that they were out of town from Friday through Sunday.

Yesterday I asked my exwife if I was taking our son out to dinner tonight and she told me it was up to our son. Informed that he was not even opening my messages, she replied “He will not meet you.”

After a couple of comments from me, trying to explain the situation she said, “he said he was tired and still you made him wait for your shopping or ordering food..or something”. Not 100% correct and not 100% not, he was tired but when I asked him if he was too tired for ice cream, he said “NO!”. We had fun joking as we walked to the house after ice cream.

I think he has learned well from his mother. He has become adept at creating reasons for his decisions that on the surface seem plausible but are in fact divorced from reality.

The result is that I have had no contact with my son since that night, two weeks ago. Tomorrow is his first day at Jr. High. Though he said that I could attend his entrance ceremony, the invitation has not been received, I doubt it was sent. He will soon, like in a day or two, go on a week long retreat with all first year Jr, School students. Even if he was desirous of meeting with me, his schedule will be filled with school and school related events until long after I depart these shores.