I think part of what she is doing is trying to reframe the narrative. She doesn't want to make herself into the "bad person." No one wants to be the bad person.
As far as the kid goes, why the bathroom? Don't they have their own room?
I spent time in the bathroom when I turned thirteen, and there was a reason for that I won't get into except to ask...are they going into the bathroom with anything other than themselves?
I do not know why they bathroom but think it comes from from the few times when they actually had a stomachache and learned from that experience that they can use that as a reason to stay in there for a long time. They do have their own room, but prefer the restroom. BTW, I use “restroom” because of the layout of Japanese houses has the bath room and the toilet in different rooms. I LOVE this feature.
When this first became a problem, The Kid had nothing really to bring in with them. The preexwife, with her superior understanding thought it a good idea to allow The Kid to bring in their children’s newspaper and now, over my objections, after she gave The Kid an idiot phone, the kid brings one or both in. The preexwife thinks it is a good idea to make the restroom as comfortable as possible for The Kid, seeing how they spend so much time in there. She is of the belief that we can reason with The Kid as one would with an adult. The Kid has her wrapped around their finger.
I wouldn’t be waiting around for the kid to come out before eating. That only encourages the behaviour. It must be seen not to affect you at all then the behaviour starts to lose its power.
You did at least try to end on a positive note - good weather, beer and you’re not dead yet!!!
I agree, but my opinion has no weight in this house. Just like with covid, I could see where we were going but no one would listen. We realized this behavior with a specific event and the wife cancelled the plans we had for that evening to put an end to it. I supported this and went upstairs to work on something. To my surprise, awhile later, she comes up and tells me we are going. She always gives in. She always lets the kid dictate to us what we will do, when and how. It has been a massive friction point for years. She tells me that denying The Kid what they want is child abuse and my warnings of what that would lead to are “threats”. I had been contemplating leaving over this for sometime but chose not to thinking that by being around I could at least try to influence their behavior.
Yes; sadly, both parents need to be very much on the same page and consistent when it comes to dealing with such behavioural issues. Otherwise the kid will just end up playing one parent off against the other. Any disagreements should also not be discussed in front of the kids. Of course, you know all that and there's really not much you can do at this stage apart from trying your best not to let it get to you any more than necessary. Your being around will have a lasting influence and you have been a good example to your kids even if they don't necessarily appreciate that now. You did your best under the circumstances.
No need to. The doors of the house can easily be opened with a coin or standard screw driver, and in fact, preexwife did so last night. While the first time in a while we have done this, it’s not the first. That just led to the door being opened while The Kid sat on the pot.
I think part of what she is doing is trying to reframe the narrative. She doesn't want to make herself into the "bad person." No one wants to be the bad person.
As far as the kid goes, why the bathroom? Don't they have their own room?
I spent time in the bathroom when I turned thirteen, and there was a reason for that I won't get into except to ask...are they going into the bathroom with anything other than themselves?
I do not know why they bathroom but think it comes from from the few times when they actually had a stomachache and learned from that experience that they can use that as a reason to stay in there for a long time. They do have their own room, but prefer the restroom. BTW, I use “restroom” because of the layout of Japanese houses has the bath room and the toilet in different rooms. I LOVE this feature.
When this first became a problem, The Kid had nothing really to bring in with them. The preexwife, with her superior understanding thought it a good idea to allow The Kid to bring in their children’s newspaper and now, over my objections, after she gave The Kid an idiot phone, the kid brings one or both in. The preexwife thinks it is a good idea to make the restroom as comfortable as possible for The Kid, seeing how they spend so much time in there. She is of the belief that we can reason with The Kid as one would with an adult. The Kid has her wrapped around their finger.
I wouldn’t be waiting around for the kid to come out before eating. That only encourages the behaviour. It must be seen not to affect you at all then the behaviour starts to lose its power.
You did at least try to end on a positive note - good weather, beer and you’re not dead yet!!!
I agree, but my opinion has no weight in this house. Just like with covid, I could see where we were going but no one would listen. We realized this behavior with a specific event and the wife cancelled the plans we had for that evening to put an end to it. I supported this and went upstairs to work on something. To my surprise, awhile later, she comes up and tells me we are going. She always gives in. She always lets the kid dictate to us what we will do, when and how. It has been a massive friction point for years. She tells me that denying The Kid what they want is child abuse and my warnings of what that would lead to are “threats”. I had been contemplating leaving over this for sometime but chose not to thinking that by being around I could at least try to influence their behavior.
Yes; sadly, both parents need to be very much on the same page and consistent when it comes to dealing with such behavioural issues. Otherwise the kid will just end up playing one parent off against the other. Any disagreements should also not be discussed in front of the kids. Of course, you know all that and there's really not much you can do at this stage apart from trying your best not to let it get to you any more than necessary. Your being around will have a lasting influence and you have been a good example to your kids even if they don't necessarily appreciate that now. You did your best under the circumstances.
I certainly agree that disagreements must not ever be discussed in front of the kids. Preexwife does not see it this way. It’s been a hell of a ride.
You can change the door knob on the bathroom to one without a lock.
There is still bathroom privacy (versus taking the door completely off) but being able to hide in there will no longer be an option.
Just remind everyone to “knock” and say coming in before opening the door.
Looks like we might have to after all. The Kid now holds the latch preventing us from using a coin to turn the bolt.
No need to. The doors of the house can easily be opened with a coin or standard screw driver, and in fact, preexwife did so last night. While the first time in a while we have done this, it’s not the first. That just led to the door being opened while The Kid sat on the pot.
Your kid worries the “…………” out of me.
Me too. Once I leave, I wonder how long before either the then ex wife or The Kid kills the other.
She could be getting some sort of satisfaction when taking jabs at you as a way of deflecting resentment/anger she is feeling and won’t admit to.
She sounds diffident.