No Fathers Day
Two unwanted firsts in one day and a third for the week.
Last Wednesday was my birthday. Beyond marking the day of my birth over half a century ago, it also marked three months to the day since I have had any contact with my son. Up until that day, we kept in touch over an app, patchy though it could be. After a good night dinning together and great plans together for the near the future, he came downstairs after a long time talking with his mother and ultimately told me to leave, that I was in the way and that he didn’t want to do any of the things with me that we had discussed doing together over dinner. That was the last I have heard from him. He won’t even check my messages to him over the app we use. Three months to the day on my birthday.
Today is my first Father’s Day without my son. It is also the first without my own Father, he being prematurely taken by unbelievable incompetence by all in the hospital who were responsible for his treatment when he went to the ER.
I have no idea of how my son is doing at his Jr. high school that he chose over others he had been intensely interested in solely because none of his schoolmates were going to go to it. I know that the time between lunch on the day of his graduation from elementary school with his mother and her parents untilI I picked him up for dinner at 6 pm, he was in bed all day. I also know that at least up until that day, he still spent many hours a day hiding in the restroom. I also know that his mother got him diagnosed with depression and has him on antidepressants.
I want to believe that now that he is in a different school, that he is making new friends and not driving them away as he has consistently done in the past and that he is adjusting well. What little I have learned from his mother informs me that this belief is little more than a faint hope. She says that she cannot talk to him as he ignores her too and that he might not be mentally stable. I have no idea how he is doing in any aspect of life. I will not ask for more information as whatever it is, I can do nothing at all to aid him. That was the most hellish aspect of the last 11 months in that household, knowing he needs help but forbidden to attempt to provide it. There is much more behind this statement than its face value would indicate.
So much more to say but what can be said?
It's hard to understand how your son's mother can be so cruel and callous. I'm sorry you had such a hurtful and disappointing week.
Here in the U.S., divorced parents each have rights to be informed about their children's progress in school, if asked for and granted by the court as part of the divorce decree, regardless of a hostile relationship between the parents. I wonder if similar arrangements might be possible in Japan?
Sorry to hear this, and must be even harder on the double holiday of Birthday and Father's Day.
My dad, as luck would have it, also had his birthday in late June so the two holidays were usually combined. Even now, I would probably have to confirm from a funeral program I created his exact date of birth. He'd be 85.
Are you "forbidden" to help your son, or is it more like he has been poisoned from you helping him which essentially comes down to the same?