It's hard to understand how your son's mother can be so cruel and callous. I'm sorry you had such a hurtful and disappointing week.
Here in the U.S., divorced parents each have rights to be informed about their children's progress in school, if asked for and granted by the court as part of the divorce decree, regardless of a hostile relationship between the parents. I wonder if similar arrangements might be possible in Japan?
Joint custody basically didi not exist in Japan before April 1st this year. We divorced in March. I am sure she would share with me if I asked, but I do not want to know because I am powerless to do anything.
Sorry to hear this, and must be even harder on the double holiday of Birthday and Father's Day.
My dad, as luck would have it, also had his birthday in late June so the two holidays were usually combined. Even now, I would probably have to confirm from a funeral program I created his exact date of birth. He'd be 85.
Are you "forbidden" to help your son, or is it more like he has been poisoned from you helping him which essentially comes down to the same?
Short answer is any discipline I would use, including raising my voice or saying “no” she came to consider child abuse and she or the school would report me to the authorities.
I’ve never been one to celebrate the various festivals and it didn’t bother me one bit that my younger daughter, who lives under the same roof, didn’t wish me a happy day. Not that she could’ve done as she only emerged from her room late afternoon.
I did get a call from my eldest daughter who also didn’t remember and to be fair I didn’t remember either. But she did send me a message later with last minute wishes as she had just remembered.
I don’t even remember my own birthday most of the time.
But I am at least not estranged from my kids (although sometimes it actually seems like that might not be such a bad thing in the case of the younger one!!).
I guess the only good thing about this post is that even your ex is admitting things aren’t exactly rosy for her now you’re out of the picture. I wonder if that will soften her attitude towards you and at some point you will be able to actually discuss it way to help your son now she’s done it her way and realised that hasn’t worked.
Another thought just came to me and it might not be at all practical but might as well put it out there. As the father do you not have the right to approach the school and explain your situation and enquire about how your son is doing? Maybe it wouldn’t work and they’d contact your ex and it would backfire spectacularly, but only you can judge that one.
No, there is no chance of her softening towards me. I did not know why pride is a deadly sin until I lived in Japan where it is a virtue. She cannot accept even a shadow of possible blame for anything nor even conceding that I was correct and she not.
Joint custody as a legal concept only came to be this past April; we divorced in March. I have zero parental rights here. I would likely be arrested for stalking.
my son who is 21 was just put on anti depressants and i dont know if it will help him in getting a job! .
me and his father divorced almost 16 years ago and he's not in his life, as i did encourage it, but my son shunned away almost every time his father wanted to connect.. I imagine he has hostility for the abuse he seen of me, by his father!.. they have never been close, even when he seen him as a young child!..
I have never abused his mother and we were once close. Really, until the panic we were quite close. I believe that his coldness towards me is he in survival mode. I suspect his mother either directly or more likely indirectly makes his life miserable whenever he spent time with me after the divorce and possible before. I doubt he has any conscious thoughts on it, but if he is given a ton more study to do after each time we met or she is just in a bad mood for the rest of the day and the next or longer, how long would it take for a 12 year old to not want to be around the trigger for their mother's wrath?
It's hard to understand how your son's mother can be so cruel and callous. I'm sorry you had such a hurtful and disappointing week.
Here in the U.S., divorced parents each have rights to be informed about their children's progress in school, if asked for and granted by the court as part of the divorce decree, regardless of a hostile relationship between the parents. I wonder if similar arrangements might be possible in Japan?
Joint custody basically didi not exist in Japan before April 1st this year. We divorced in March. I am sure she would share with me if I asked, but I do not want to know because I am powerless to do anything.
Sorry to hear this, and must be even harder on the double holiday of Birthday and Father's Day.
My dad, as luck would have it, also had his birthday in late June so the two holidays were usually combined. Even now, I would probably have to confirm from a funeral program I created his exact date of birth. He'd be 85.
Are you "forbidden" to help your son, or is it more like he has been poisoned from you helping him which essentially comes down to the same?
Short answer is any discipline I would use, including raising my voice or saying “no” she came to consider child abuse and she or the school would report me to the authorities.
I’ve never been one to celebrate the various festivals and it didn’t bother me one bit that my younger daughter, who lives under the same roof, didn’t wish me a happy day. Not that she could’ve done as she only emerged from her room late afternoon.
I did get a call from my eldest daughter who also didn’t remember and to be fair I didn’t remember either. But she did send me a message later with last minute wishes as she had just remembered.
I don’t even remember my own birthday most of the time.
But I am at least not estranged from my kids (although sometimes it actually seems like that might not be such a bad thing in the case of the younger one!!).
I guess the only good thing about this post is that even your ex is admitting things aren’t exactly rosy for her now you’re out of the picture. I wonder if that will soften her attitude towards you and at some point you will be able to actually discuss it way to help your son now she’s done it her way and realised that hasn’t worked.
Another thought just came to me and it might not be at all practical but might as well put it out there. As the father do you not have the right to approach the school and explain your situation and enquire about how your son is doing? Maybe it wouldn’t work and they’d contact your ex and it would backfire spectacularly, but only you can judge that one.
No, there is no chance of her softening towards me. I did not know why pride is a deadly sin until I lived in Japan where it is a virtue. She cannot accept even a shadow of possible blame for anything nor even conceding that I was correct and she not.
Joint custody as a legal concept only came to be this past April; we divorced in March. I have zero parental rights here. I would likely be arrested for stalking.
Sorry to hear this! ..
my son who is 21 was just put on anti depressants and i dont know if it will help him in getting a job! .
me and his father divorced almost 16 years ago and he's not in his life, as i did encourage it, but my son shunned away almost every time his father wanted to connect.. I imagine he has hostility for the abuse he seen of me, by his father!.. they have never been close, even when he seen him as a young child!..
I have never abused his mother and we were once close. Really, until the panic we were quite close. I believe that his coldness towards me is he in survival mode. I suspect his mother either directly or more likely indirectly makes his life miserable whenever he spent time with me after the divorce and possible before. I doubt he has any conscious thoughts on it, but if he is given a ton more study to do after each time we met or she is just in a bad mood for the rest of the day and the next or longer, how long would it take for a 12 year old to not want to be around the trigger for their mother's wrath?
I'm so sorry! ..i didn't mean to make it sound like i was comparing, I wasn't! .. my apologies!..
i hope things will get better with your son!.
No worries.
I wouldn't have anything to do with a father who abused his wife either. That is a "no go" zone.
Despite it all, Happy Birthday agent K.
Best wishes on your birthday, hoping the upcoming year has more happy than sad moments. I'm very sorry the situation with your son hasn't changed.
Happy birthday, Kits! Keep up the crusade.