I admire your courage and pray God blesses you. Don't worry about what people may think; it's out of your control, and may be so much better than your guesses. They know you even though you've been less present lately, and when the facts become clear, try not to think so little of them that they wouldn't understand. They may understand already more than you suppose. My two cents'.
My first thought is, why not ask her and see what she says? Since it's a done deal, might as well get her answer on that. It may not bring you satisfaction, but it will at least be an answer.
Second, I think COVID was a catalyst event; it galvanized many and certainly shook up any pre-existing conditions in people's relations. That you were living in such close and continuous proximity to her (and her you) did not make it easier. It disrupted many people's plans. It certainly, coupled with some bad personal decisions, disrupted mine.
Third, it also sounds like you have a little marriage melancholy in that the person you were dating was not the one you married.
Finally a way to turn this around is, why would you want to keep this?
You don't necessarily know if you will lose access to your community once the divorce goes through. But is it worth it to keep such a community if you had to deal with what you have been dealing with continues? It's easy for me since I sit on the sidelines, but I don't know what I'd do if I had to be married to someone who buys into all the Panic.
After all, we have more pressing needs for our anxiety, like receiving an email from substack that states that I need to provide information for stripe that was due august of 2024.
It is difficult enough to discuss the terms she demands. Thursday night will be the first opportunity to do so. Besides, we have been through all this before, especially on the day she first told me to get out of her house. She said she didn’t care. She said that she didn’t care who was at fault or even if no one was, she just wanted me and my stuff gone. Like the Puddle of Mud song, “She Faucing Hates Me”.
The fact that she almost never leaves the house, hell, scarcely leaves the den, is a massive factor. It is the tone of bricks dropped upon an already over burdened camel that broke its back. With so many marriages ending after just a few months of lockdown together, I thought surviving 5 years of lockdowns and their immediate aftermath was a sign that we still had something worthy of fighting for. Nope, guess not.
She is a classic case of a personality switch as soon as the words “I do.”, were spoken by the two of us. Not as big of a change as it would become over time, but big enough for me to wonder how I missed the signs that must have been there during our 2 and 1/2 year courtship. I have long wondered who this person was and who she thought I was. If not yet married, would have called off the relationship.
Don’t want to keep it as it is. To me, it is like being aboard a sinking vessel. Better to keep it afloat and effect repairs to jumping ship and hoping for rescue for as long as possible. I am loading the life boats now. No one is relieved to be in a lifeboat except for those plucked from the waves.
I am not fearful of the future, though I do dread it, for I know what to expect. It will be a massively great relief to be free of the bedlam of that house, but there will always be a hole in my life left by my absence from my kids’ lives and the cats, responsibilities I was not able to fulfill.
As you say, you have been through it before. She said she doesn't care, and that is something you can't get around. There's probably a song about it...can't make you love me. And that Gordon Lightfoot one about reading people's minds.
I have a some of Lightfoot’s albums, his works are a favorite of mine. Learned of him from one song in particular, The Wreck of the Edmond Fitzgerald. I do not recall one on reading minds, though I suspect after hearing a bit of the intro it will flood my memory.
I admire your courage and pray God blesses you. Don't worry about what people may think; it's out of your control, and may be so much better than your guesses. They know you even though you've been less present lately, and when the facts become clear, try not to think so little of them that they wouldn't understand. They may understand already more than you suppose. My two cents'.
Why would your wife throw all this away?
My first thought is, why not ask her and see what she says? Since it's a done deal, might as well get her answer on that. It may not bring you satisfaction, but it will at least be an answer.
Second, I think COVID was a catalyst event; it galvanized many and certainly shook up any pre-existing conditions in people's relations. That you were living in such close and continuous proximity to her (and her you) did not make it easier. It disrupted many people's plans. It certainly, coupled with some bad personal decisions, disrupted mine.
Third, it also sounds like you have a little marriage melancholy in that the person you were dating was not the one you married.
Finally a way to turn this around is, why would you want to keep this?
You don't necessarily know if you will lose access to your community once the divorce goes through. But is it worth it to keep such a community if you had to deal with what you have been dealing with continues? It's easy for me since I sit on the sidelines, but I don't know what I'd do if I had to be married to someone who buys into all the Panic.
After all, we have more pressing needs for our anxiety, like receiving an email from substack that states that I need to provide information for stripe that was due august of 2024.
Good questions.
It is difficult enough to discuss the terms she demands. Thursday night will be the first opportunity to do so. Besides, we have been through all this before, especially on the day she first told me to get out of her house. She said she didn’t care. She said that she didn’t care who was at fault or even if no one was, she just wanted me and my stuff gone. Like the Puddle of Mud song, “She Faucing Hates Me”.
The fact that she almost never leaves the house, hell, scarcely leaves the den, is a massive factor. It is the tone of bricks dropped upon an already over burdened camel that broke its back. With so many marriages ending after just a few months of lockdown together, I thought surviving 5 years of lockdowns and their immediate aftermath was a sign that we still had something worthy of fighting for. Nope, guess not.
She is a classic case of a personality switch as soon as the words “I do.”, were spoken by the two of us. Not as big of a change as it would become over time, but big enough for me to wonder how I missed the signs that must have been there during our 2 and 1/2 year courtship. I have long wondered who this person was and who she thought I was. If not yet married, would have called off the relationship.
Don’t want to keep it as it is. To me, it is like being aboard a sinking vessel. Better to keep it afloat and effect repairs to jumping ship and hoping for rescue for as long as possible. I am loading the life boats now. No one is relieved to be in a lifeboat except for those plucked from the waves.
I am not fearful of the future, though I do dread it, for I know what to expect. It will be a massively great relief to be free of the bedlam of that house, but there will always be a hole in my life left by my absence from my kids’ lives and the cats, responsibilities I was not able to fulfill.
I said Thursday would be the first chance to talk with her. She had a business trip and was away yesterday.
As you say, you have been through it before. She said she doesn't care, and that is something you can't get around. There's probably a song about it...can't make you love me. And that Gordon Lightfoot one about reading people's minds.
I have a some of Lightfoot’s albums, his works are a favorite of mine. Learned of him from one song in particular, The Wreck of the Edmond Fitzgerald. I do not recall one on reading minds, though I suspect after hearing a bit of the intro it will flood my memory.
If you could read my mind...
Here's the Disco Remix 54 soundtrack version...you should recognize it.
https://pie.yt/?v=https://youtu.be/ujPza2jSUtQ?si=nY18vM_dcMJyXzog&pieshare=1
Yes, yes I do. His version is better. What a voice he had. Thanks.
I tell you though. The 54 version was great to dance to.
I'll be getting in touch again soon, my friend. Lot's to discuss, and perhaps beers on the horizon?
Looking forward to it.
And burgers on the horizon!